Do you ever feel guilty?
- Because you work too much and therefore do not spend enough time with your children?
- Or because you don’t have a paid job and therefore don’t earn money?
These were my main sources of guilt … In both cases, I always felt like I didn’t do enough.
Once upon a time there was little Tissy …
Until I was the age of 9, we lived with my father who was an alcoholic and didn’t work. My mother was the only bread earner. She was working in a factory.
All my life, I saw my mom work hard, and deprive herself to give me what I needed. Today she is retired in her beloved Brittany and I am so happy for her.
Seeing her work so much put into my head that I needed to be financially independent.
So just like her, I worked.
I started at the age of 17 as a cashier during my studies, and then went on doing lots of different jobs of waitress and cleaner, until I became a Tour Guide in Ireland.
I didn’t get children until I was 30 years old – my mother wondered if she would ever become a grandmother!!! In fact, before having my own children, if there was a child in the room, I would run away 🤣 🤣 🤣 I thought that I didn’t have “maternal instinct” …
When I see how my daughter Marine (aged 12) behaves with children, I’m impressed, she’s a natural little mother!
Little Tissy became a mum…
On June 26th, 2005, Océane arrived and I became a mother for the first time. What an incredible feeling … I didn’t think that I could love a little being so much as soon as we met and that I could love her more and more each day …
My beautiful Marine then arrived on November 23th, 2006, while I was learning my new role little by little.
As a new mom, I learnt a lot about myself … patience in particular.
I had to make a choice.
When my daughters were born, I chose to change career because I wanted to be with them, to see them grow up. Being a Tour Guide, as much as I loved it, required too long absences …
But it’s important for me to do a job that I love.
And what I love is taking care of people, making a positive difference in their lives.
Following my births, I became attracted by a career in Wellbeing. I trained as a shiatsu practitioner, massage therapist & beautician, and specialised in pregnancy / post-natal massage .
My clients are mainly women whom I love to nurture. Whether I give a massage, shiatsu or a beauty treatment, I take as much pleasure as when I guided.
But it’s a career that requires to be available in the evenings and weekends … Which is very difficult with young children and a “workaholic” husband who’s never at home.
My hubby has 2 jobs in which he excels. Passionate about deep sea fishing, he is a skipper and is also an engineer in a factory.
So, I’m the main carer for our girls.
Like many mums, I juggle between work, children, housework, shopping, cooking and so on. AND we have a holiday home that gets very busy between April and September…
And guess what? Some days, I really struggle to do it all!
And that’s ok.
I do my best.
I used to have that little voice in my head saying:
“You don’t spend enough time with your girls”
“You don’t earn enough money, you depend on Max”
Then, I’d feel like I didn’t bring enough, I didn’t do enough …
And yet, what a mother brings to her family is worth as much as a salary, if not more!
I used to imagine that perfect mother who was able to juggle her family life, her career, her health and her social life perfectly:
– being present (in every sense of the word) with her children and spouse
– earning a very good living
– being an exceptional housewife with a sparking clean house – always
– ironing everything – herself
– an exceptional cook – providing balanced meals off course!
– going to the gym first thing in the morning – she has a perfect body!
– And off course, this super mum is ZEN – because she meditates every morning at 5am!
Not to mention the idyllic relationship she has with her spouse … filled with love, joy, and hot nights …
Pfff … I’m far from it !!! 🤣 Well, that sounds more like Wonder Woman to be honest!
OK – it’s time to say STOP
STOP to that little voice that criticises us while we do our best –
STOP to all the pressure we put on ourselves as a mum and as a woman in general –
It’s time to speak to ourselves with kindness and compassion.
This is what I would like to say to all moms who feel guilty or “not enough”: